Why Everyone Is Being Judged—and Almost No One Is Being Seen
Generalizations feel useful.
They help us think faster.
They reduce complexity.
They give us a sense of orientation in a crowded world.
But they come at a cost.
Even the information we gather from generalizations needs to be handled carefully—because the moment we forget they are approximations, they turn into distortions.
And most of the time, we forget.
There Is No True Group—Only Patterns We Pretend Are Solid
We talk as if groups are real entities:
Men are like this.
Women are like that.
People from this place think this way.
That group behaves predictably.
But there is no true group.
There are clusters of tendencies, not unified minds. Even within any so-called group, there are degrees of value, belief, behavior, and motivation. No two people are judged the same way by everyone—because no two observers bring the same standards.
Every “group” is an abstraction layered over millions of individual variations.
Generalizations can reveal patterns.
They cannot capture people.
Confusing the two is where harm begins.
Even Within a Group, No One Is Judged the Same
Here’s something we rarely acknowledge:
Even if two people belong to the same group, they are not evaluated equally—not by society, not by institutions, and certainly not by other individuals.
Why?
Because everyone judges through their own internal rulebook.
Each person carries:
- their own values
- their own fears
- their own lived experiences
- their own unresolved conflicts
So when you walk into a room, you’re not being assessed once.
You’re being assessed many times.
By strangers.
By coworkers.
By friends.
By people who barely know you.
Each evaluation slightly different.
Each one partial.
Each one incomplete.
And yet—none of them see you.
How Can So Many People Judge You Without Seeing You?
Because judgment doesn’t require perception.
It requires projection.
This is where cognitive bias enters quietly.
Our minds are constantly filling in gaps:
- assuming intent
- assigning motive
- categorizing/generalizing behavior
- predicting outcomes
We don’t wait for full information because the brain evolved to prioritize speed over accuracy.
Bias isn’t a moral failure.
It’s a survival mechanism.
But survival mechanisms make terrible truth detectors.
This dynamic is explored more fully in The Self You’re Trying to Hold Together, which looks at how psychological narratives stabilize identity, and why relief often begins not with fixing the story — but with seeing the structure that keeps it intact.
Cognitive Bias: The Invisible Author of Our Opinions
Cognitive bias works in the background, shaping conclusions before we’re even aware a judgment has formed.
Confirmation bias tells us to notice what supports what we already believe.
Availability bias gives weight to what’s most vivid or recent.
Fundamental attribution error blames character instead of context.
And once a judgment forms, cognitive dissonance takes over.
Dissonance doesn’t ask, “Is this true?”
It asks, “How do I stay consistent?”
So contradictory information isn’t examined—it’s minimized, rationalized, or dismissed.
That’s how certainty hardens.
Why Generalizations Feel So Convincing
Generalizations feel true because:
- they often contain some truth
- they reduce uncertainty
- they offer a sense of control
But truth by approximation is not truth by precision.
A generalization may describe a trend, but it cannot account for:
- context
- exception
- transformation
- internal conflict
- growth
When we forget that, we stop observing and start sorting.
And sorting is easier than seeing.
Everyone Is Judging Everyone—Constantly
This can feel unsettling, but it’s also liberating.
You are being evaluated by:
- people who don’t know your history
- people projecting their own fears
- people reacting to past versions of someone else
- people responding to a single moment frozen in time
Most of those judgments say more about the observer than the observed.
And most of them are temporary.
Which means something important:
You are not as fixed as the judgments placed on you.
The Cost of Living Inside Other People’s Categories
When we internalize generalizations—about ourselves or others—we shrink.
We become careful instead of curious.
Defensive instead of open.
Predictable instead of alive.
And we start relating to symbols instead of humans.
That’s how polarization happens—not because people are evil, but because abstraction replaces observation.
A Different Way to Hold Generalizations
Generalizations aren’t useless.
They’re just incomplete.
A healthier posture looks like this:
- Use patterns as signals, not conclusions
- Hold categories lightly
- Stay open to contradiction
- Let people surprise you
And remember:
Every person you meet is carrying multiple stories that no category can contain.
A Closing Reflection
You will be judged today—many times—by people who don’t know you.
So will everyone else.
That doesn’t mean we stop noticing patterns.
It means we stop mistaking them for people.
The moment we remember that no group is solid, no judgment complete, and no identity final exam—
we make room to actually see each other.
And in a world full of conclusions, that might be the rarest thing left.
If this resonates…
These themes—identity, suffering and more are explored more deeply in
Proof That You’re God
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DKCMR183/
